I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
