She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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