You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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