so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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