I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
