so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
