i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
