people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
