He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
