When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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