my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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