No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
