Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
