finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
