i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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