I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
