after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
