got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
