I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
