My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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