I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
