Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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