we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
And then he peed in my hair
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
