I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
