If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
