did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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