Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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