In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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