My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wakey wakey hands off snakey
what day is it and did you see me today?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
