All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
