If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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