Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
