butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
