someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
