i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
