What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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