Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
