oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.