she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Terrible idea I love it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"