3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just had sex bonerless
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.