trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
