So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
