I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
