Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
organizing the empties. That sober.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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