why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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