she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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