so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
