i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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