are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
