i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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