would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
