i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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