we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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