Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
