Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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