I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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