and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
