Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
