OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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