chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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