Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
