so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
