She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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