so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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